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“Fine China is for Single Women Too” by Lydia Brownback (P&R Publications)

When I first saw the title of this book I was quite intrigued. As a single woman in my 30’s I thought it might be a book of cute anecdotes and stories about being a single woman – but I was wrong. This is a gem of a book that would benefit not only the singles in your church, but the whole congregation.

In the opening pages, Brownback asks “Why is it that only single women on the brink of marriage get showered with household appliances, fine china and Waterford crystal? Do married women cook more than single women?”(page xi) Talk about reading my mind! I had just recently said to my sister, as we were baking in her well stocked kitchen (supplies provided from a church shower), using her new Kitchen Aid (a wedding present) and her cookie sheets (also a shower present), how unfair it was that I needed to be married before I could get any of those things… I’ve spent so much time and money over the years with all the showers and weddings that I’ve been too, but what if I never get married – then I get stuck with second hand stuff? But this book gets past that and gets to the heart of what we are focused on and what we should be focused on. “Life doesn’t begin when you get married. This is your life! You will never find contentment in living for what you hope tomorrow may hold – contentment is for today” (page xii).

In the next seven short chapters, readers are forced to look at their heart and to put their trust and dependence on God. Changes in friendships are addressed as well as dealing with loneliness. There is also discussion on the pressures felt by the world for sexual fulfillment and how it is easy to believe that you cannot be fulfilled without a relationship. How easy it is to forget that ‘marriage is not the only legitimate and God given fulfillment for our solitary condition” (page 6).

Brownback goes on to talk of a lack of trust in God’s plans and reminds the reader that “true contentment and joy in living are found exactly where he [God] places us at any given time”(page 12). There are also warnings of the rebellion in our hearts when we don’t trust God and his plan and timing in our lives.

In later chapters, Brownback talks about facing the reality of envy and jealousy and how we think the grass is greener on the other side. We need to have hearts that are thankful in all things ‘and before we know it, we’ll be thankful for our singleness!” (page 68). Being single is not a curse, but a freedom to serve the Lord in a different way. This book would also be a benefit for parents to read so that in training their children, they can be encouraged that while marriage is a wonderful gift, so is singleness.

At the end of every chapter there is a list of questions to help make what the reader has read more personal. These are not light, easy questions; they cut to the heart. At the end of the book there is a chapter that looks even deeper at scripture and helps apply the lessons to be learned. The heart of this book is getting to the heart of the matter – what place does God have in your life? Are you eager to love and serve him wherever he has placed you, or are you living in the shadows waiting for marriage to fulfill you?

Lydia Brownback says it best in her epilogue: “We began by thinking about fine china and crystal – traditional bridal treasures. Yet through these seven chapters we have learned that biblical tradition can rule us rather than worldly custom… Finer than gold-rimmed Limoges is a life committed to Christ and put to use for his glory. Offer your singleness to God. Ask him to use it in his redemptive plans in the place where he has set you. Allow him to take your singleness and make it beautiful. Let that be your finest china” (page 111).